resiliency

You never really know which words to ingest...which words will pierce your soul. I dont even know if we have much of a choice in the matter. But as a woman, a creature of love, passion, and desire I find it difficult to balance living freely and living with my heart caged off and separated from the warm promise and optimism in love. I have faith in love. I dont know how I manage to be so optimisitc sometimes considering all that I've encountered in the past. But...I have faith. I believe, just as sure as I am writing this, that I will meet the mate of my soul. The man that I will appreciate and adore.

You know they say if it was not for the rain we wouldn't know how to appreciate the sunny days. I totally agree. Plus, without the rain, humanity could not exist. All growth is possible only with rain. So with each disappointing situation, with each lie I've believed, with each person who I let enter in my heart who did not have my best interest at the forefront of theiir heart, with each relationship that I THOUGHT was the one, I grow.  It's a rough, painful, and uncomfortable process. But it's beautiful. Growth and change for the better are beautiful. To believe that we are being shaped by our experiences into a beautiful sculpture by our creator is inspiring.

[I guess I'm just venting...late night thoughts of a woman on a mission]

We as women are sometimes too READY for love. So ready, that each new man we meet that's actually talking about something...we entertain thoughts that THIS may be it, or HE may be the ONE...what if this actually could turn into something? I believe that because we internalize such high expectations about love (faith in love) that we set ourselves up to get our feelings hurt. We need to take each encounter for what it is. And initially, we just won't know what the situation is...It takes time. The reality is that this particular person may be in our life to teach us something, or help us grow not necessarily for us to grow old with.

So...

Remain resilience. continue to bounce back and grow from your experiences...

dont let your faith in love,  interfere with your faith in love...
I repeat
dont let your faith in love, interfere with your faith...in love

Young Lost Lady.

‘Miss high profile caught you shopping on Canal
I guess it makes sense it seems phony as your style
Your hair and your nails just as phony as your smile
Fake eyelashes you drew your eyebrows
It make a brother ask do you pride yourself?
Your make up like a mask trynna hide yourself
It seems on the outside you thinking you the shit
Put theres a soul that’s inside that you don’t even knew exist
So you so out of touch that the world mistreat you,

rich niggas f*** you and broke niggas beat you
Hoping this will reach you when you understand that your value aint determined by another man
Cuz right now you let them brothers get the upper hand
And you just tell them go deep like Cunningham
And you just let them OD like Len Bias
And that p**** so good he let his friends try it
Losing your balance, girl you losing your balance ”—J.Cole, “Losing your balance”—the warm up

Right now I have some homework that I’m supposed to be working on. I’m supposed to be doing data analysis of some students generated by my professor [fake students], and I have to develop an instructional unit lesson plan on a topic of my choice, integrate content areas, and connect to the NC Standard Course of Study…blah, blah.

But the reality is, I’m sitting here baffled at some things that I have witnessed over the last few weeks working at a local Charlotte high school. I had to take the time out of assessing these fake students on this piece of paper in front of me to speak out on behalf of REAL students. The real kids that I see on a day to day basis.

On Friday we had a pep rally here as a part of the homecoming celebration for the high school. The kids got pretty hype, and that was the first big event at the school this year.

[retell]

I am standing down on the gym floor, over to the side. Looking at the students sitting in the bleachers. I see a plethora of behaviors that are just out of control. Amidst a small segment of the Latino population (who were extremely school spirited) I seen a Latina young woman grinding her hips on a young man. Just straight backin it up on him, twurkin off beat as ever. Others students have out cell phones textin, here and there throwing things from the stands.

I’m taking all of this in. Thinking to myself these kids are crazy. Laughing under my breath at some of their antics and frowning in disapproval at some of the others.

Then I see her. A young black female. Standing up in the bleachers dancing with her ass facing the opposite side of the bleachers. She was poppin her booty, bending over touching her toes and doing all the latest stripper moves [I suppose]. I felt like I was the only staff member that seen the young lady. Eventually she sat back down in her seat, so the issue appeared to have subsided.

The DJ asked for a volunteer from each grade level to come down to the gym floor to play a game. Suddenly THE young lady appeared out of nowhere. They played musical chairs with two of the local radio celebrities. Once it got down to 3 people left in the game, the young lady stopped walking around the chairs while the music was playing and started dancing. Of course, she lost at musical chairs doing all that dancing instead of walking around the chairs. But on her way back to her seat she starting bussin splits. Yes. I said splits.

I could not believe my eyes!!

How sad was this. She was seeking attention so much that she dropped into splits on the cold gym floor in front of the whole school.

She was kicked out of the pep rally of course…but what does that do? Accomplish? Help? Nothing.

Her problems are much deeper than a 5 minute “you shouldn’t have done that--conference?”

On top of all of that, on Monday the young lady got into a fight at school in the hallway. The word-in-the- hallway is that it was over some dude. Now this young lady also already has a child and claims to be pregnant again. Damn. Who or WHAT can help her? What can I do? How can I help? What is her life like after school? It’s obvious she is screaming out for attention and begging for someone to listen to her. Who will though?

 Who will actually give a damn about the many young adults like her? Lost. Yet waiting to be found.

One of the most painful realities of my job, is that no matter how much I try, no matter how many interventions I formulate, I cannot reach all of the children.

And even more disheartening is that all of them don’t want to be reached.

Hard to say....goodbye

He left his house Thursday night ready to party at one of his usual spots. Ready to get it in and have a good time just as most of us young adults like to do, except…this time would be different. He had no clue that it would be. But that time, on September 9, 2010 was the last time. That was the very last time that Nick Mahone would party and enjoy his life here on this earth.

He was shot. Point blank range. Two times. INSIDE of the club.By a WOMAN who is yet to be caught.

The shooting took place inside of “The Breakfast Club” one of Charlotte’s night clubs. I was not there, but based on info that I have gotten from others it definitely took place inside of the club [despite attempts by police to negate that FACT]. The young woman, who people say is a stud, walked right up to him on the dance floor and shot him twice, once in the head. She was bold as hell. Walked in to a party, shot him on the dance floor, and walked right out. Many people that were in the club know who this woman is. In fact, her first, middle, and last name have been displayed all over facebook. I’ve seen the comments, “She is a dead B**** walking” or “I hope the police find her before the streets do”…Man.

I do agree with Ghandi that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. But Are we trapped in a domino effect of revenge and retaliation of trivial pursuits, of disagreements that happened so long ago we don’t even remember why we are scorn? Is that what is killing the physical and mental bodies of our young people.

So many questions race through my head. Why? Who let her in? How did she get in? Did she even get checked at the door? [I’ve felt violated at clubs because I have been OVERly searched and I would not dare tote] What are the two baby mothers of his two sons supposed to tell their baby boys about their daddy? Because the reality is, he’s not coming back.

Foolishness, tragedy, calamity. Whatever terminology you prefer to use will convey the same message.

What could she have been feeling, so deep and strong that she felt cool about walking onto that dance floor and shooting him? Is there something that could have been done prior to prevent this from going down?

Really, I wonder if are murderers born or if they are made? Was she destined to carry a gun and kill wrecklessly at 5 years old because her father broke another promise anddidn't show up to her birthday party? Was she declared a killer when she could not pass her  grade in school because she had to worry about survival from day to day, moving from home to home. Was she somewhere, somehow proclaimed to be a murderer at the age of 13 when she seen those things that no 13 year old anywhere should ever see? Or despite any upbringing occurences was she destined to murder as she developed in her mother's womb?

Are murderers born or are they made?

I dont know this young lady. I've never met her nor do I know anything about her personally. But I know that she felt compelled to take a gun inside a club and take the life of someone's father, friend, brother, and son. And that is not ok.

I just wish...someone somewhere could have gotten to her heart before she stop the beating of Nick Mahone's.

Retell > Retail

Retell---to tell again, reiterate, emphasize.



Isn’t that why people write blogs anyway? Because we want to retell an event, emphasize a situation, or reiterate an experience. Yet simply sharing the occurrence will not suffice. There’s a piece of us that we long to include in this slightly revised account. I desire to inspire with each word that comes forth from my fingertips. To challenge with each phrase that opposes old ways so we can become better in the days to come. So we as a people, as a race of human beings, can become who no one seems to want to write about…hmmmmphhhh. So this blog is my attempt to retell, reiterate, and emphasize on the things we see every day. The things that burn in our hearts and minds. The things that we feel we don’t have anyone to talk to about.



Let the retellings begin.